Superhero Zero (Pt. 1)

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s another two hours of your life you will never get back!

A small word of warning to a large population of people: I’m about to offend your precious superheroes.

No, I’m not savvy to contemporary films… but I am savvy to the hundreds of Facebook statuses on the opening night of … groan … yet another superhero film. The Facebook masses may also complain about the actor chosen for a specific superhero role. Meanwhile, I’m just wondering when a film with a decent script will be released. I have so many questions for those who love superhero films:

1.) Why? Why do you love them so much?

As much as I would like to believe superhuman strength is a unique skill to have… I can think of maybe three times in my life in which I needed this particular skill set. All three involve moving boxes and/or televisions. As the weaker sex, yes, it may be useful in those instances… but I’m thinking it would be useful 2% of the time over my entire lifespan. Are these supernatural characteristics the root of why our generation seems to wait on tenterhooks for the next superhero film to be released? Or are we so desperate for a superhero to save us from the nasty government and corruption in the world? Then again, it’s only one man/woman.

2.) Why so many adaptations of the same film?

I was ten years old when the Tobey Maguire adaptation of Spider-man (2002) hit the big screen. I’m pretty sure I wanted all the toys involved in marketing the film. Everyone wants webs to come out of their wrists. When the sequel and threequel came out… I was bored. Unless Spider-man somehow dies, the premise of the film is the same.

Good-guy, supernatural ability + bad guy + plot to rule the world (from America, the only country on the planet) = superhero solves everything until a new villain comes along.

Actually, I never have to worry about a superhero dying because there will be an inevitable remake and he will return! A year ago, I was dragged to the theatre to see The Amazing Spider-man (2012). There was nothing more or less amazing about this Spider-man than the Tobey Maguire Spider-man. Perhaps I have to be a comic book junkie to understand the validity of each adaptation, but the fact remains that Hollywood will never adapt perfectly. There will always be a deviation. Why do we want a million different deviations of the same plot?

3.) What do you think about during the action sequences?

I really have nothing else to emphasize with this question… other than I’m bored out of my mind during the many action sequences in superhero films.

Okay, enough ranting… I’ll leave it to the diehard fans to put me in my place and help me see the light from the planet Krypton. In my next blog, I’ll be outlining how Superman has changed over the years. Until then, ladies and geraniums..

Liz Lemon relates to nothing in this post, she’s just has many relevant reactions that align with my feelings on this matter.


One comment

  1. The weaker sex?

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